it's like you were never part of my life. everyday goes on steadily. you lead your life, i lead mine. two different universes.

but then sometimes, when i see the little ones out of line, my hand creeps out unconsciously to put them back in order. and just like that, the missing and emptiness hits me out of nowhere.

i'm not that great at forgetting after all.

i feel this great divide nowadays. but when i start to feel despair, a screw outing always comes along, and i thank my lucky stars for screw.

i think it takes great courage and a great man, when at the top of one of the tallest peaks in the world, to choose to save a friend, and failing that, choosing to stay with that friend till he drew his last breath. and in accompanying his friend on his last journey, he gave up his last chance of survival.

it also takes great friends with big hearts to make the dangerous climb up the same mountain just to retrieve the bodies of their friends.

it's people like these that give me some hope for humanity.

time is not something you can stop. be it slowly, quickly, happily or painfully, it will pass by all the same.

the only thing we can do is to spend that time memorably. it doesn't necessarily mean that we are happy all the time, but rather, each day is spent with meaning. be it spent with someone special, or spent chasing after a small desire, or chasing after a big dream.

we live in a world that is obsessed with labels and stereotypes.

and everytime something or someone happens, we struggle to fit them into these nicely drawn boxed up categories. even the craziest japanese fashions have their neat little types.

i mean, i love organisation and all. but sometimes, it feels like when you try to fit people into categories that are fixed and rigid, or try to go down a fixed list of requirements, the small wonderfully quirky things get lost in the process. when people tell me things like, why do you want to date a boy who's ... or why aren't you looking for someone before you start work.. how are you going to get married? i usually stare and blink like an owl. i feel like telling them it's people like them that make me not want to get married -.- why can't people just be in the moment, together, not together, as long as they are happy? why do we need the labels of boyfriend, husband, "it's complicated". why do things have to be so bloody complicated. you enjoy being together, you spend time together. is putting the name of girlfriend, boyfriend on the relationship going to make you happier? if he's gonna leave, you can throw the chains of marriage and parenthood and grandparenthood even around a person's neck and that person will still happily skip off. if you're happy, you're happy. simple as that. and even if you're happy in that moment, it doesn't mean that moment will last, or that you will be together forever. but the result at the end doesn't take anything away from the happiness of that moment does it?

too many people don't get the process. they think that studying is only to get the degree or job at the end, or dating is the staircase you climb towards marriage and 2.5 children. everyone's just missing the point. the best most memorable moments in life are the quiet simple ones that allows you to just be in that moment. like if i think about my paris trip, it isn't the bags, shoes, eiffel tower or louvre that comes to mind first. it's the tiny little crepe shop in paris st. germain that i had a bowl of cider in. or in tuscany, it was actually one quiet sunday in castellini where the shops were all shut and we were just running around the streets. or in new york, it was that sunny afternoon on the highline. watching happy couples of different sexes and races. it gave me so much hope for this world (: that is the kind of world that i really really want to be a part of. open, free, accepting and comfortable.

you don't have to go out to do something, or buy something. sometimes, it's just nice to sit somewhere and watch the world go by. and maybe that's why i can be so content at home as well. the solitude, the still air and my thoughts. i'm happy. why can't others accept that i'm happy like that.

 

 my dad is thinking of buying me a car. there's a feeling of permanence to owning a car somewhere. i'd rather he just buy me an apartment in new york really.

hello there. I'm really addicted to coffee nowadays. After I discovered that I can handle and even really like iced americanos in NYC, I'm officially hooked on iced americanos. No sugar, no milk = no unnecessary calories. Plus a strong boost of caffiene. Woots. But e irony is tt i am sleeping more than ever these days. Hmms. Something is wrong with this situation. Haha.


Men with kind warm eyes gives me googley feelings. Haha.


The tennis balls tt were hitting the back of my head loudly have gone away now. Have I grown so used to the pain tt I'm missing it? Or am I just masochistic?